Written by: The Immortal KB
This Independence Day edition of Smackdown is live from Phoenix, Arizona, USA in the Talking Stick Resort Arena. The next Smackdown exclusive PPV is WWE Battleground on July 23rd which is twenty days away, so that means only two more Smackdowns until then.
Smackdown opened with a patriotic video. For a company so great at video packages, their movie batting average is very low with only a few home runs.
The ring announcer introduced the returning John Cena,who had a new T-shirt. Cena talked about Independence Day, the American ideal of all men being created equal,and he doesn’t appreciate other superstars saying he’s a “part-timing mascot” . Cena said he’s an “all-timer”,and broke down how his free agency meant he would be on both Tuesday Night Smackdown and Monday Night Raw. He named the biggest names off both brands but I noticed he didn’t mention the Demon King Finn Fookin’ Balor.
The also returning Rusev interrupted saying he works hard too, there were no commercials for his return, and that both the USA and the American Dream are jokes.
Cena yelled into the mic “THIS IS THE USA, AND NOT BULGE AREA”.(get it bulge area) Rusev said America’s 4th of July is all about stuffing your faces with hamburgers and hot dogs. The fans chanted “Yes! Yes! Yes!” at Rusev. John Cena challenged Rusev to a flag match on tonight’s show.Rusev said he accepted the match, but not for tonight. Cena led the crowd in chanting “U-S-A” as Rusev left the stage.
Rusev reminds me of a mix of Borat and that short fat guy in the movie like they somehow did a fusion and got mad jail style brolic. You know the type like a fat muscle.
Backstage, Daniel Bryan talked to AJ Styles and Chad Gable. Since Kevin Owens objected to having two men he’s defeated already in the battle royal tonight. Therefore, Styles will fight Gable for the right to be in the battle royal.
The first match of the night was The Phenomenal AJ Styles vs Chad “Willin’ and” Gable in a match with the winner gaining entry into the Independence Day Battle Royal. This match was great. These two gentlemen have great chemistry this match was short with Gable showing his stuff. AJ went for a Styles Clash, but Gable escaped and grabbed an ankle lock. Styles eventually reversed it into a calf crusher. Gable escapes, but both men are limping slightly then a Pele kick by Styles leading to a Phenomenal forearm to end it. After the match, Styles helped Gable up to show respect. This match was only eight minutes but it could have and should have gone on much longer.
I’m giving this match a grade of A-. I was a big fan of the match over the last two week Chad Gable has impressed more than people who are on TV more than him like that fool Mojo Rawley.
Speaking of that guy backstage,Rawley was upset with last week’s loss when Zack Ryder told Mojo they’re both in tonight’s battle royal. This segment was stupid but by default the Hype Bros are a top four tag team on Smackdown.
Carmella and James Ellsworth make their entrance, complete with the Money In The Bank Briefcase. Ellsworth introduces Carmella to start the “Carmellabration”. Carmella taunted the fans for not believing in her, and that she gets to decide when she faces Naomi for the title.
Naomi comes out and the Smackdown Women’s Championship is glowing because it has a huge amount of LED lights . She congratulated Carmella on her win, said she’d be ready, and called out “L’s worthless”, telling James somebody wanted a word with him.
Daniel Bryan CAME OUT TO THE LOUDEST POPS OF THE NIGHT. THE YES CHANTS WERE MASSIVE. Ellsworth tried to talk. Bryan cut him off. Daniel is barring James from the arena, fining him $10,000, and suspending him for thirty days without pay. If Ellsworth disobeys Bryan, Carmella has to give up the Money In The Bank briefcase. No Ellsworth until August 8th.
The second match of the night was a Smackdown Women’s Championship match with the champion Naomi defending against Lana. This match was literally nine seconds. Naomi put Lana in a submission hold and it was it. That’s also the record in the UFC for the quickest submission.
I give this match an incomplete grade it just was what it was. Naomi looked dominant. A lot of people want to shit on her but look at where she came from.The third season of NXT being a fucking Funkadactyl to Team B.A.D to winning at Wrestlemania 33 in her hometown of Orlando and holding it ever since making her the longest reigning Smackdown Women’s Champion. At age 29 she’s arguably the greatest Black champion in WWE history ever.
Tamina hit the ring after the match and told Lana to get up. Lana sold her injured arm and reluctantly followed Tamina up the ramp. It was very tense and random.
Backstage, Dasha tried to interview Shinsuke Nakamura, but Baron Corbin blindsided Nakamura with the briefcase. Corbin asked Nakamura if he really thought Corbin was scared of him. Nakamura said “Yes!” Officials separated the two wrestlers.
Daniel Bryan announced the John Cena vs. Rusev flag match will take place July 23rd at “Battleground”.
The Usos came out with about seven to twelve people in black hoodies then the New Day came out dressed in a very American way with people dressed like American things the Statue of Liberty, Lincoln, a bald eagle, a sailor, a shirtless George Washington, Elvis and some more wacky things. Wale was the master of ceremonies.
Wale asked both teams to keep it clean. Big E went first for the challengers, closing out by saying even Rikishi knows that New Day rocks. Jey Uso compared Xavier Woods to Whoopi Goldberg and made fun of Big E’s man boobs. The Usos said Xavier Woods was a rated-R superstar, who got an “Oh, no, he didn’t!” reaction from the crowd. Kofi Kingston is up next. He has abs, the Usos have muffintops, which is why they wrestle in T-shirts. They’re in their first trimester. They’re “weenie-doos”. Jimmy Uso says Kofi Kingston was Jamaican, now he’s from Sheboygan He’s Paul Bunyan yelling Timber, and New Day can’t beat them without a fourth member. Xavier Woods gets to go last. The New Day dressed like a million bucks, the Usos dressed like divorced dads. The New Day are gladiators like Romans, the Usos should go back to carrying bags for Roman. The Usos took offense and started swinging. Wale disqualified the Usos, and awarded the battle rap to the New Day. Somewhere in there they dropped a reference to the Paige Sextape scandal. This was way better than I expected i really thought someone would say something leading to someone getting fired
Titus O’Neil plugged tonight’s “205 Live”, where Titus Worldwide is taking over.
FUCKERY DON’T DIE IT MULTIPLY
The third match of the night was Randy Orton vs Aiden English.
Aiden English sang. He fills up my senses, like a night in the forest. Last week, English got RKO’d by Orton. This week, it’s Orton vs. English. After Orton’s entrance, English hit Orton with the microphone. English threw Orton into the steps and the match is underway. English has had the advantage throughout the break. The fight went to the floor and Orton tossed English over the announce desk. Then Orton did it again. Hanging DDT off the announce table. Referee Charles Robinson has somehow not counted these guys out. Orton picked up the steel ring steps and hit English with them. Aiden won via DQ.
This was a stall tactic so I can’t really grade it, but damn this guy English is a jobber.
Orton brought English back into the ring and gave Aiden an RKO. Out comes the WWE Champion Jinder Mahal, the Singhs, and Jinder Mahal’s entrance. The crowd chanted “U-S-A!” Mahal said he would like to beat tolerance into everyone in the audience. Orton interrupted Jinder, promising to punish Mahal’s ass in the Punjabi Prison. Nobody likes Jinder because he’s a jackass.
Jinder the god he should be wrestling with a turban.
Tye Dillinger is backstage with Tyler Breeze, who is disguised as blonde interviewer “Tenay Young”. Tye figures out the disguise. Breeze asks Dillinger if he’s worried about Breezango. Dillinger says he is, but wonders aloud what will happen if it comes down to Breeze and Fandango. Fandango is behind them, disguised as a construction worker. After Tye leaves, the Breezangos compare notes. They don’t think Dillinger caught on.
Cut to Renee Young, who is trying to keep a straight face as she interviewed Mr. and Mrs. Kannelis. Maria said they have the power of love. Mike gushed about how beautiful Maria is. Off to the side, Sami Zayn is stretching, and accidentally knocked over a clangy pipe. Zayn started to apologize to Mike and Maria, but heard his entrance music playing and left. Mike and Maria weren’t happy with Sami for “ruining the moment”. This was so funny to me Sami Zayn is hilarious. Future world champion that man. Also that Mike Kannelis seems boring, is a major simp, and also looked tiny compared to Sami Zayn who isn’t the largest man on the roster.
The main event of the evening was The Independence Day Battle Royal. Kevin Owens joined the commentary team. There was like 20 people in the ring but after the break half were gone. Harper eliminated Conor. Mojo eliminated Harper. Mojo and Ryder faced off. Mojo and Zack teamed up to eliminate Rowan, and then Mojo tossed out Zack. Owens acted outraged and calling out Mojo for not being a friend. Zayn eliminated Rawley. Styles, Zayn & Dillinger were the last three. The crowd was actually really behind Tye screaming ten! He was able to hit the new Tyebreaker on both AJ and Sami. When he tried to eliminate both at the same time he ended up getting eliminated. Sami and AJ exchanged blows and they both ended up on the apron, Styles then hit a Pele kick knocking Zayn out and off.
After the match KO attacked Styles but Styles gained the upper hand and was about to hit the Styles Clash but KO rolled out the ring. KO actually left the the United States Championship in the ring AJ picked it up.
I rate the match a B+ but it would have been better to have more heavy hitters in it like Baron Corbin, Shinsuke Nakamura, and maybe even the Mike Kannelis guy could show what he could do. But I also would have liked a tie with both Zayn and Styles going to face KO at Battleground.
Overall, this show was good near great. SmackDown’s midcard is underrated Chad Gable and Tye should be boosted up and keep away from the jobbers like Mojo. Jason Jordan needs to be seen way more he’s got IT. Once again WWE Battleground is about two SmackDowns away and the card is shaping up a very nice.