Written by: The Immortal KB
Tonight’s edition of Smackdown Live is live from the Valley View Casino Center in San Diego, California, USA.
To be honest this Smackdown needed the Big Baller Brand stimulus package like when you need cash but the bank won’t give you any money until two or three business days.
The show opened with a video hyping up the Women’s Money in the Bank main event.
Daniel Bryan came out to a flood of “Yes!” chants. He hyped up the matches for the evening. Carmella and James Ellsworth interrupted him. Carmella said the rules clearly state there are no rules and that the winner is the first woman to gain possession of the briefcase. She said Ellsworth isn’t the first non-participant to get involved in a MITB ladder match. She asked why Seth Rollins and Sheamus didn’t have their contracts taken away. She squealed: “How can break a rule if there are no rules! I did nothing wrong! It’s not fair.” Bryan said she makes some very valid points. He said it’s true that MITB matches are no-DQ and other people have interfered in MITB matches before, but never in history has somebody climbed the ladder and grabbed the contract and handed it to another competitor. He said he made his decision, but he wants to know what the WWE Universe thinks. He asked them if he should cancel the match and hand the MITB contract back to Carmella. “No! No!” chants broke out. When he asked if instead they should have the second Women’s MITB ladder match tonight, they cheered and broke into loud “Yes!” chants.
Ellsworth said the fans make him sick. He said they are the villains because they control “this stupid puppet,” pointing at Bryan. He said he takes pleasure taking aim at his home girl,he said they’re just as pathetic as Bryan, he used to look up to Bryan, but now he doesn’t see a man. He sees a gutless, spineless coward with no grapefruits to cut it in the ring anymore, so he made up some injury. They had a stare down. Bryan broke into laughter and patted Ellsworth on the shoulder in a patronizing manner. “Oh James, I probably should just fire you,” he said. “But tonight it’s not about you.” He said last week he said he’s going to ban him from ringside, but he’s changed his mind. He’s going to instead ban him from the entire arena. The crowd cheered. Carmella begged Bryan to change his mind and she said Ellsworth didn’t mean anything he said.
Ellsworth ran but got caught in the time keeper’s area got free again then got caught again this was very hilarious.
The first match of the night was a tag team match between the Hype Bros vs the Usos with the stipulation being that if the Hype Bros won they would regain their #1 contendership status that they won six months ago but unfortunately Zack Ryder got injured in that match. The Hype Bros had control in the match until Jey kicked Ryder in the head. Mojo got the hot tag but then all four were inside the ring Mojo and Ryder were able to come out on top. However, Jimmy interfered to briefly give the Usos the advantage. Ryder came back by throwing him over the top turnbuckle and into the ringpost. They came back live with the Usos taking control and suddenly Jimmy landed a top rope splash for the pinfall. The match itself was about six minutes and tied up the lose end that is the Hype Bros.
I would give this match a D- because the match itself was subpar. Smackdown only has four matches each week this spot could have been used by something else.
After the match, the New Day came out wearing new merch t-shirts. Xavier congratulated them for winning a match instead of running away from it. Big E said they want their gold and at Battleground they’re coming for them (in full Booker T HULK HOGAN WE COMING FOR YOU NIGGA STYLE).
The Usos told them to shut up, and then they accepted their challenge. They predicted they will fail again. New Day fired back with some FIRE.
In my opinion the Usos can’t hang with the New Day in anyway at all.
A commercial hyped the return of John Cena next Tuesday night. At ringside, JBL said Cena is comparable to Michael Jordan and Tom Brady as the greatest of all-time.
There was another edition of “Fashion Vice”with Breezango interrogating the Ascension.They denied doing anything. Fandango showed them the stick figure drawing and said the suspects look like that. Fandango tried to bribe the Ascension to reveal who attacked Tyler Breeze with a pair of tickets to an Eddie Money concert. Konnor said they only listen to Thrash Metal, so no deal. Tyler produced three plastic water guns. He asked if they were feeling pressure. He produced a cheese platter and asked why they attacked him. The Ascension said they only took credit for the attack because they wanted a match at Money in the Bank. Tyler and Fandango discussed their strategy. Fandango said they were both good cops there. Tyler said, “No, we were great cops.” They returned to their office and found it trashed again. Tyler said the Ascension were there the whole time, so it couldn’t have been them. Tyler said, “This thing has more layers than Heather Locklear’s hair.” The Ascension snuck the Eddie Money tickets. Some laughs from the crowd.
This was the least funny skit from Breezango ever.
The second match of the night was the rematch for the Smackdown Women’s Championship with Lana challenging the champ Naomi. As the ring introduction was happening Lana attacked her from behind. She landed an early sitout slam and scored a two count. Naomi came back with a kick and then landed a split-legged moonsault for the pin in forty-one offical seconds.
This match was a squash match and Naomi is fine as HELL. I could go more into detail but that’s a married woman. B+ for making the champ look strong.
Aiden English sang opera-style in the ring. Randy Orton’s ring entrance interrupted. [c]
Back from the break, Orton was sitting mid-ring on a metal folding chair. They replayed what happened. English didn’t leave, so Orton gave him an RKO. Back live, he said he’s not leaving the ring until he gets what he wants. He said last week he tore into Jinder. He threw to the big screen for highlights from last week “to refresh your memory.” He said he wants a rematch for the WWE Title, and if he doesn’t get it, what happened last week will pale by comparison. He vowed to beat the holy hell out of Jinder in the parking lot as the fans are leaving. He said if he bumps into him in St. Louis, he’ll beat his ass again. And then he’ll do it again next week on Smackdown. He said he’ll get to the ring early and beat the living hell out of him again if he doesn’t get what he wants. He said he was going to the back to find Jinder for an beating tonight. As he began to leave the ring, Shane McMahon’s music played.
Orton returned to the ring. Shane slapped hands with fans on his way to the ring. The crowd chanted “Shane-o-Mac.” He asked San Diego what was up. They cheered. He said that he and Randy go way back, and they are live, and they can’t have him threatening the safety of the WWE Champion Jinder Mahal. Orton asked what he’s going to do. He asked him if he’s going to fire him. He said if he does, he’ll show up as a ticket buyer and beat up Jinder at every show. He said he doesn’t care if he gets arrested or takes him for every penny he’s worth because he disrespected his family in front of him. He said he can make this complicated, or Shane can make the wise decision and grant him a title match against Jinder.
Shane said Orton has used similar tactics as the Singh Brothers, and those tactics have led to them (Shane and Orton) fighting in the ring before. He said he can see what Orton is feeling by looking into his eyes. He said he knows what it’s like when someone puts their hands on someone’s family member. Shane said, “Randy, you’ve got your rematch.” The crowd cheered, but when Shane said it’ll be at Battleground, there were some boos. Shane said Jinder will get to pick the stipulation, out of deference to the WWE Champion. Orton said he doesn’t give a damn what the stip is, the title is coming home where it belongs.
Jinder walked out with the Singh Brothers. He said this is exactly what’s wrong with Smackdown Live, management, and all the people in the crowd. He said Shane supports a snake like Randy Orton. A loud “USA!” chant broke out. He said that is the prejudice and bias he speaks of. He announced that it will be a PUNJABI PRISON match, made famous by Great Khali, whom he called his personal hero. JBL called it one of the cruelest matches in WWE history. They went to stock footage of the past Punjabi Prison match, which is made of steel-reinforced bamboo, said JBL. Jinder held up his title belt and yelled.
I am here for the fuckery that the Punjabi prison match will bring it will be hilarious watching both Mahal and Orton leaping from the inner cage to the outer cage. WWE Battleground feels so far away.
They cut to Bryan backstage telling someone on a cell phone about the Punjabi Prison match, the first one in ten years. A.J. Styles walked in. Bryan asked him what’s up. Styles said it’s not really an Open Challenge by Kevin Owens if he is limiting it to people who live in the town. Styles said last week he was the first to accept the Open Challenge, but he didn’t get the match. Owens walked in and said he’s a typical American complaining behind his back. He said the Open Challenge is for people whom he hasn’t beaten already. He said Styles has to accept that he’s a loser. Styles said that’s fine as long as he accepts the fact that he is Ron Burgundy’s definition of San Diego(A whale’s vagina). Owens asked what the hell that means; he said he didn’t get that reference. The crowd wasn’t sure they liked the one-liner. Bryan said Owens doesn’t seem to understand what an open challenge is. Bryan said when John Cena who made his WWE debut 15 years ago today had an Open Challenge, it was open literally to anybody. Bryan said he has an idea. He said next Tuesday is the Fourth of July, so they’re going to have an Independence Day Battle Royal, with the winner facing Owens at Battleground. Styles asked if he was in the match. When Bryan said yes, Styles said it was a great idea. Owens said it was the worst idea ever and then stormed off. To me it’s very obvious Cena is winning this battle royal.
Mike and Maria Kanellis walked out onto the stage. She said she is the First Woman of Smackdown Live. Mike said he is Maria’s husband. Sami Zayn’s entrance interrupted. Maria asked what that was all about. “Are you kidding me!?” she said. Sami made his way to the ring for his scheduled match against Baron Corbin. Then Corbin’s ring entrance took place.
The third match of the night was Sami Zayn vs Baron Corbin this is the umpteenth time they have faced off. I think they should have just one more match a briefcase vs hair match with Sami winning. Baron Corbin can’t be a world champion until he shaves his head bald. He has the worst hairline of all time and his hair is like spiderwebs the way it’s translucent and very thin. Plus he’s a grown ass man with a minion in a jason mask tat. Sami had control early in the match until Corbin snuffed out his fire. Corbin blocked a suplex and gave Sami a right hand to the face. Sami staggered back into the corner. Corbin took over again, and shortly thereafter hit End of Days for the win. This match was short at only eight minutes meaning the second ever Women’s Money in the Bank match has thirty minutes of ring time (including commercials).
I would give the match a C for being average.
They cut again to Shinsuke watching Corbin’s celebration backstage. Fuentes then walked in and asked him if he’d like a one-on-one match against Corbin. Nakamura said Corbin is dangerous, but he fears what he can do to him. “Perhaps he’s right to be afraid,” he said. He then walked away. Some fans chanted “Nakamura” in the background.
It was announced next week there will be a rap-off between the Usos and New Day. This is going to be horrible because I feel like someone might say “nigga”.
The main event of the evening was the second ever Women’s Money In the Bank match. Featuring Charlotte Flair, Becky Lynch, Tamina, Carmella, and Natalya. Carmella quickly slid a ladder into the ring as the other four fought at ringside. She set up the ladder and climbed it, but all four other women entered the ring and stared at her mid-climb. A fight broke out with everyone. Tamina tried to climb, but the other women yanked her down. Becky gave Natalya an Exploder Suplex. She gave another suplex to Charlotte. With the ring clear, she made an attempt to set up the big ladder. Tamina jumped her from behind and knocked Becky into the ladder. Then she gave her a Samoan Drop. Then she landed a Superfly Splash. Back from the break, they showed fallen bodies at ringside. Charlotte set up a ladder, but Natalya intercepted her efforts and gave her a suplex. Tamina and Carmella brawled at ringside. Becky gave Natalya a suplex at ringside. Charlotte and Tamina battled over the ladder in center-ring. Becky ran in and climbed the ladder as Charlotte and Tamina held it up. They stood there and watched Becky reach for the briefcase, but then finally tipped it over. It was awkward. Tamina shoved Becky off the ladder. Even more awkwardness. Tamina set up the ladder again, but Charlotte kicked it into her. Natalya landed Charlotte with a discus punch. Then she shoved a ladder at Charlotte in the corner and set up another mid-ring. Charlotte used another ladder quickly scale the main ladder. She met Natalya on top. They battled over trying to get their hands on the case. Carmella tipped them both over. Becky gave Carmella a suplex mid-ring. Becky tossed the ladder out of the ring at Natalya. Tamina tackled Becky.
After the break, Natalya, Becky, Charlotte, and Tamina were all climbing the ladder at once. They fought each other to try to get the advantage. The ladder tipped and they all crashed. Carmella climbed the ladder and began to unhitch it, but all four women stood up and grabbed the ladder. They lifted the ladder and moved it and Carmella out of the range of the case. Carmella dove onto several women below. She was slow to get up afterward. Charlotte rammed the bottom rung of the ladder over Tamina’s chest. Then she climbed the ladder, with Tamina trapped underneath. Charlotte realized the ladder was supposed to be positioned sideways to the hard camera and moved it. Tamina rolled over and put herself under the ladder again. That was terrible looking. Carmella climbed the ladder and tried to knock Charlotte off the ladder. Tamina then pressed the ladder and knocked Charlotte and Carmella off of it. That’s a bad mess-up that undercut what could have been a cool spot. My god, give up the “better camera angle” to keep a shred of realism in place. Tamina climbed the ladder. Natalya and Becky ran in and yanked her down. They double powerbombed her mid-ring.
Natalya gave Becky a strong amazing powerbomb next. Then she put Carmella in a sharpshooter mid-ring. Charlotte broke it up. Natalya fought Charlotte to ringside and then tossed her over the ringside barrier and into the crowd. Meanwhile, Ellsworth ran back to ringside and tried to help revive Carmella at ringside. He lifted her and threw her into the ring. Saxton protested. Then he climbed the ladder again. Becky entered the ring and kicked Carmella out of the ring. Then she tipped the ladder over and Ellsworth got hit in the nuts with the top rope. Becky then set up the ladder and showed fire. She climbed quickly, but Carmella pulled her leg. She yanked her down. Becky sold a right leg injury after landing. She tried to climb the ladder, but Carmella hit her with the chair in the back of the leg. She bashed her in the back with the chair. Then she climbed the ladder, unhooked it, and won.
Giving this a C. Not only was the first one better it also felt important. This match felt it was just going through the motions. The heat from the first match was like bleach in your eye this match is like when you put your hand over a pan while it’s been on the stove and it still ain’t got hot enough.
Overall, with AJ or Nakamura not having matches and the way too much camera time on the women this SmackDown was a chore to watch. WWE Battleground is July 23rd which is very far away. SmackDown needs to shake the table before then also with Summerslam coming after that does this “free agent” bullshit mean for SmackDown with Cena going back and forth between brands will he spend most of his time on Raw where it’s already super loaded at the top. This is a D + SmackDown.