Written by: Derek
While most people are still reeling from Kevin Owens betraying Chris Jericho or still ecstatic that Bayley is the new Women’s champ, I only care about one thing with this episode of Raw: watching Braun Strowman and The Big Show go at it one-on-one. Will the Immovable Object beat the Unstoppable Force?
Sheamus Gives The People What They Want
And what the people wanted was for Enzo Amore to shut up and possibly die…which is what it looked like when Sheamus kicked the living hell out of that annoying gnome. Enzo Amore has all the wrestling skill of Kelly Kelly yet the WWE sees fit to continue pushing him as a wrestler instead of just being Big Cass’ loud mouth manager because (to paraphrase Enzo himself) wrestling requires skill and talent; and you can’t teach that…to Enzo Amore.
Now we have to suffer through this mediocre tag team being the #1 Contenders to the tag team titles. Hopefully Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson pick up where Sheamus left off and beat the snot out of Enzo.
The video tribute to George “The Animal” Steele was very well done and truly touched my cold, black heart. Steele was always one of my favorite wrestlers and it was nice to see that the folks at WWE gave him a tribute befitting of a guy who had such a long history with the company.
WWE Hall of Fame Will Feel The Bang
Diamond Dallas Page is going to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame this year and as a guy who was a big fan of the expired AWA and WCW promotions who watched as Page worked his butt off to go from heel manager to mediocre prelim wrestler to world champ it is cool to see him get recognized. To this day I still have fond memories of his feud with Randy Savage in WCW. And nobody does the Cutter better than DDP used to do it.
When Giants Collide
As evidenced by how many more “BAD” entries I have than “GOOD” this week, I was not too impressed by this episode of Raw but I still give it a thumbs up just for this battle between Braun Strowman and The Big Show. I love when wrestling behemoths face off and this match did not disappoint. This took me back to memories of Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd and really just made me feel even more optimistic about how good Strowman is going to eventually be. Watching him pull a “Hulk Hogan in Japan” (when Hulk would wrestle in Japan he would pull out moves he never used in he US) and start moving around the ring like he was a friggin’ cruiserweight was awesome. Not even Roman Reigns showing up at the end of the match could put a damper on this one. Braun is the truth.
Talk Is KO
Kevin Owens, the least imposing WWE champion since the 5 minutes that Finn Baylor had the Universal belt opened the show with a monologue that focused on his upcoming PPV bout against Goldberg and not on the person everyone cares about, Chris Jericho. Not talking about Jericho at all didn’t help what was a pretty bad promo. For as much as Kevin Owens looks like a chunky pizza delivery guy, his speaking voice is about a million times less imposing so at the very least he could have spent his time in the spotlight to talk about Jericho since Y2J is the only thing interesting about Kevin Owens right now.
Meanwhile In Tiny Town
So first up in this week’s installment of the Cruiserweight deivision on Raw, we got a no-contest between Brian Kendrick and Akira Tozawa that saw Kendrick beat up Tozawa as brutally as someone as bland as Kendrick can to a decidedly tepid response from the Los Angeles crowd.
Then came the contract signing between Cruiserweight champion Neville and “Gentleman” Jack Gallagher. Now I expect to fully enjoy watching these two guys wrestle at Fastlane but this contract signing was a mess that did nothing to get me excited for their actual match.
Is The WWE’s Secret Plan To Make People Hate Roman Reigns?
Last week’s 1-on-2 match between Roman reigns and world tag champs Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson was dumb enough but to make it two weeks in a row? That is just lunacy. This shouldn’t be happening. It makes the tag champs look weak and generally just infuriates the Reigns haters and is probably converting people who were on the fence about Roman over to the hater side. They are doing Roman no favors constantly presenting him like he’s Superman.
Them Cornball Brothas Take Their Act On The Road
The New Day appeared on TMZ for some reason and all I could think of during that segment was this:
Something needs to happen soon because these dudes make me cringe every time they are on the TV screen. Aside from ramping up their unfiltered cornball antics to embarrassing heights, The WWE has no idea of what to do with them. That is why they are going to be performing the job of Wrestlemania Hosts which is usually a job for a retired wrestler or random celebrity. And this nonsense with them repeatedly losing the recipe for their own brand of ice cream is just stupid.
And to make matters even worse they were booked in a match against the kings of no storyline: Rusev and Jinder Mahal. Jinder is going to have to lay off the juice soon too because the guy is a walking wellness violation and his gynecomastia is getting to the point that the guy is going to need to either start wearing a bra or WWE will need to blur out those roid boobs of his.
Might As Well Just Give The Women’s Belt To Stephanie
Considering she puts herself over every woman on the roster every time she has to share a segment with them. Her coming down to interrupt Bayley’s victory speech over becoming champ was stupid and served no real purpose. Instead of Stephanie coming down to the ring it should have been Nia Jax attacking Bayley in a way that was reminiscent of how King Kong Bundy attacked Hulk Hogan that set up the big Wrestlemania 2 main event cage match between those two. That is what should have happened here with Bayley and Nia Jax. And the other Wrestlemania storylines for the women should have been setting up Stephanie vs Sasha Banks and Asuka should have been called up from NXT to set up her and Charlotte facing off at Wrestlemania.
Instead we get Stephanie politicking to get Bayley to feel guilty enough about how she won the belt to relinquish it back to Charlotte. And we get Charlotte vs Sasha Banks for the millionth time. That wasn’t entertaining. It wasn’t creative. It wasn’t advancing any stories that matter. It was just an opportunity for Stephanie to show that she is the #1 woman in the WWE. This segment was complete and total ass.
Aint Nobody Scared Of You, Brock
How Brock Lesnar going to be talking all this trash to Goldberg after being handled by the guy like he is some sort of lightweight every time they fight? You can’t sell woof tickets when the guy you barking at has beat ya ass convincingly more than once, man.
Like Watching Paint Dry While Listening to NPR
There is no good reason for there to ever be a Kevin Owens vs Sami Zayn match on Raw. These two guys have faced one another a billion times already. and while WWE may have forgotten but I vividly remember that these two men were never going to wrestle one another again. Its not like Owens doesn’t have bigger and better things to focus on…the guy has two concurrent feuds with Goldberg and Jericho respectively that weren’t even really addressed in this show. So no disrespect to Zayn or Owens but this match was unnecessary and really unwanted. Why they just didn’t have Samoa Joe (who attacked Zayn before Zayn and Owens’ match even started) and Zayn wrestle instead of wasting time with Zayn vs Owens is a mystery to me.