Written by: Derek
Now see Smackdown realized how you are supposed to end the go home show before a Royal Rumble PPV…instead of having 3 part-timers staring at one another for an uncomfortable amount of time what you do is have a lumberjack match that ends in all of the lumberjacks in the ring beating the hell out of one another.
Oh Mickie, You’re So Fine
I am super pumped to have Mickie James back in WWE and especially on Smackdown because the Smackdown women’s division is not overflowing with women who are good workers. And pairing her with Alexa Bliss should provide some really entertaining moments. A bitter (slightly nuts) Mickie James and Alexa Bliss (who looks like an evil stripper version of Anna Kendrick) are going to give a nice jolt to the women’s division.
The Face That Runs The Place Deserves Respect!
No matter how bad an episode of Smackdown may be it always goes up a few notches just by AJ Styles making an appearance. AJ makes everything better. Not even being in the ring with an overly muscled 40 year old who dresses like a toddler can dampen AJ’s brilliance. So John Cena can disrespect the champ on The Today Show all he wants but AJ rises above it all. AJ is so good at what he does that he can make a WWE crowd overwhelmingly cheer for Cena which is quite the feat. That’s what we call legit heel heat, folks.
And has John Cena gotten more wiggerish since he came back? Calling people homie and appropriating the culture like a ravenous vulture. He needs to tone that down a bit.
If You Had A Name This Stupid You Would Turn Heel Too
I am thoroughly enjoying Dolph Ziggler’s turn to the dark side and think it is long overdue. However, I am afraid that the brain trust at Smackdown doesn’t understand how best to go about this transformation which is odd since there is a very simple blueprint they can copy to make Ziggler a great main event level heel: just copy Shawn Michaels’ heel turn.
Give Dolph an interfering valet, stop with the surly guy who’s sick of losing thing and make him an insufferable egotistical asshat. Also get him as far away from Apollo Crews as possible. Crews is currently a black hole that sucks all entertainment value into it and until WWE comes up with a gimmick for Crews that works all he does is diminish anyone he feuds with.
So keep having Dolph do stuff like beat up old man Jerry Lawler. Maybe even have him wack Daniel Bryan with a steel chair and beat up Shane McMahon. Just start pushing him in a more HBK direction stylistically while he does all sorts of villainous stuff.
Do You Know Who Is Surprisingly Awesome? The Miz
It took me a while to come around to it (mainly because I could never unsee Mike from THE REAL WORLD: RETURN TO NEW YORK every time I saw the Miz) but The Miz is probably in the top 3 or 4 of the wrestlers on Smackdown’s roster. He is one of only a handful of guys I could realistically see as World Champion. He has improved greatly in the ring and he is the top talker on the entire show. Too bad he seems to be stuck in some horrid Groundhog Day scenario with bum ass Dean Ambrose where he has to wrestle Sandman V.2.0 every damn week. Hopefully this week’s lumberjack match was the final time Miz has to lower himself to interacting with that scuzzball and he can go on to bigger and better things.
Wyatt Family Feud
I really do not understand the whole “Randy Orton becomes a Wyatt cousin by marriage” thing. Nothing about Randy Orton has changed since he became a Bray disciple. He looks exactly the same. He wrestles exactly the same. The fans react to him as if he was still a fan favorite. Maybe if he grew a beard, let his hair grow out a bit, started dressing like a hillbilly hobo…maybe then this whole thing would mean something. But as it stands it is just a bad storyline that no one involved seems to be in the mood to commit to.
Heck, I kinda side with Luke Harper in his distrust of Orton because Orton is the favored inbred son without having to make any sacrifices for the family at all. I’m sure Luke would like a haircut and shave; maybe to be allowed to wrestle in something besides Rustler jeans and a dirty wifebeater. So count me as #TeamLuke in this feud but #TeamNobody in this dumbass angle. Heck, I am not even sure if Bray hitting Sister Abigail on Harper means Harper is no longer a part of the Wyatt Family that is how incoherent this whole thing is.
That sloppy attempted discus clothesline into an RKO botch that happened during the Orton/Harper match was pretty funny though
I never understood the point of James Ellsworth. Didn’t get it when they had AJ Styles feuding with him. Didn’t understand it when he was costing Dean Amrbrose matches. And I definitely don’t get this whole thing with Carmella. So dedicating an entire segment to Carmella taking Ellsworth shopping was totally wasted on me. Ellsworth needs to go back to wrestling in local high schools and WWE should take some of the creative energy they are wasting on these two and focus it on some of the potentially worthwhile wrestlers who are being criminally wasted without a gimmick of note like Apollo Crews.
That 10-man battle royale served to highlight how dreadful the midcard of Smackdown is. It was a cavalcade of bums and jabronies. It was like something you would expect to see as the main event at a fairgrounds in Bumfuck, AL. Putting The Ascension, Tyler Breeze, Fandango and The Vaudevillains in one match was WWE double dog daring viewers to change the channel.
And the winner was noted waste of space and all around good for nothing Mojo Rawley. Duke “The Dumpster” Drose laughs at Mojo Rawley.
Too Many Announcers
Why exactly does Smackdown need a 4-man announce team? Its not like they have the most talented crew of announcers assembled to begin with Mauro Ranallo is aces when calling a boxing match but is solidly average calling pro wrestling. JBL is no great shakes as the heel announcer. David Otunga is garbage on the mic and Tom Phillips is a non-entity.
So keep Ranallo and JBL as the announce team, send Phillips back to being a backstage interviewer who gets insulted constantly by all the wrestlers and I honestly have no idea what they should do with Otunga.
Do You Know Who Sucks? Dean Ambrose